Discover How to Stop a Shame Storm

• Do you ever feel like you are just wasting people’s time?

• Do you see yourself as unworthy and deeply flawed?

• Are you overwhelmed with feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy?

• Do you know the difference between shame and guilt?

A shame storm is being caught in the seas of not feeling good enough. Your inner critic takes over and wallops you with a stream of shame telling you that you messed up, no one likes you, others can handle this situation better than you. You are left feeling isolated, discouraged, and ashamed.

 You Are Not Alone

All women and teen girls encounter shame storms. Females have historically been conditioned to feel less than, to please, and to be liked. We have internalized the critical voice and perpetuate impossibly high standards in ourselves. 

 Instead of being compassionate with ourselves for being human and making mistakes, we become merciless inner judges and feel fundamentally flawed. 

Shame Stoppers 

 What should we do when a shame storm descends upon us? Even though you might want to crawl into bed and avoid the world, instead try meeting the shame head-on. 

1.    Slow your roll, and separate guilt from shame.

Maybe you messed up. Let’s say that you did something to somebody that you know wasn’t right. Okay, you admit it and take responsibility for it. Now take a breather. Instead of bashing yourself over the head with a shame storm, what would it be like to remind yourself that you are human and that every single human being now and in the history of time has made (many) mistakes? Why are you any less deserving of mercy and compassion than anyone else? 

A marvelous shift can occur in self-love and forgiveness toward ourselves and others when we realize that we can accept guilt for our errors without shame.

 2.    Ask your inner critic what her biggest fear is in this situation. 

 For example: Let’s say that you responded to a group text when you thought you were replying to only one person, and you wrote something about one of the people in the text chain that could be taken unfavorably (whether that was your intention or not). Oops, the pitfalls of electronic communication. Enter the shame storm. 

 Now ask your inner critic: What is the worst-case scenario here? If you are scared of confrontation, your answer might be that this person confronts you. You would then tell your inner critic that it is true that you don’t like confrontation but that you can handle it. You could also consider ideas to reduce the likelihood of a confrontation, such as contacting the person privately or offline to apologize or explain.

 3.    Share your shame. 

It takes courage and vulnerability to admit our mistakes to others much less volunteer them proactively. Yet shame shines in the dark. When we don’t voice our shame, it gains power and grows. Bring shame into the light with a trusted friend, and take back your power. Connecting with a trusted friend will show you that you aren’t alone, you are not the only one who is human, and that everything will be okay.

 A word of caution: Choose your shame-sharing friend wisely. Some friends might make you feel badly by inadvertently hopping on the shame train. Pick a friend who will empathize with you and who is comfortable with her own human fallibility.

 Therapy Can Help 

 You can learn to interrupt the shame cycle and accept that you are good enough. Our team of highly skilled therapists at Healing Tree Therapy are here to help you stop the shame storms and find your courage.

 If you would like to schedule an appointment or discuss any questions you might have about working together, please contact us today by phone (479) 883-2223 or email (info@healingtreetherapy.com) for a free 20-minute phone consultation. 

 Contact us today to begin your journey.